Right ladder, wrong wall. #WeekendCoffeeShare

Another Sunday is rolling in and I’m writing this post at eleven o’clock at night. It’ll go live at a much more sensible time but my thoughts can’t wait until tomorrow to be put down on virtual paper. The neighbourhood is asleep, only a few squares of light are shining through the blinds. The tall, communist buildings hovering above our little family house seem less intimidating at night. Yes, I’m back in Sofia for a week and everything appears to be weightless. Like my life is put in brackets. To be resumed at a later time.

A familiar song echoes from an old playlist and I’m transported in Gatwick where it used to play. I remember the grey early mornings and the glossy white floors and the endless double shifts on L’oreal. I remember exactly what time this song used to come on and the few minutes of peace it used to bring me. I remember it all like it was yesterday.

And yet, things have changed since I first heard this song one December morning, between 7:30 and 8am. Gatwick lives on without me and, with a smile on my face, I mostly remember the good things. Sure, I felt worthless and bored 99% of the time I spent there but as times goes by, only the happy moments remain. The friendly customers, the Christmas parties and the laughter. The jokes exchanged, the friends made and the few beautiful perfumes stashed  in a box.

I spent over 2 years longing to leave this place and now, only the good remains, floating on the surface like a salvaged piece of timber from a wrecked boat. I really should use this as an example. I really should apply what I’ve learned to my present situation but sighing and lamenting seem easier…

And so, if we were having coffee (despite the hour those words are being typed), I probably wouldn’t say much. It isn’t that I haven’t got much to say, I just have more to reflect on. In a comment to my last post, Graeme shared a quote I have been pondering on day and night. And until I start seeing things a little clearer, I will probably be quieter than usual.

There seems to be many authors and different variations of one same sentiment. I’ve chosen the following, by Joseph Campbell.

There is perhaps nothing worse than reaching the top of the ladder and discovering that you’re on the wrong wall.

 

 

Lost soul, by Stefano Corso, via Creative Commons CC BY-NC-ND)

Before you go, head over to Part Time Monster and pay a few other blogs a visit on this linky. They might have more choice than just coffee.

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14 responses to “Right ladder, wrong wall. #WeekendCoffeeShare

  1. Ooh, that quote is a bit of a gut punch, isn’t it? Though I must say I’ve climbed my share of ladders until I found the right one – I think that’s part of life, having the courage to keep climbing :-)

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  2. Home for Easter sounds like respite from the difficulties you’re facing, and you say it so beautifully – your “life in brackets”. You are also wise in your acknowledgement of the good memories from Gatwick as the others fade. A bit of a danger maybe of forgetting why you needed to move on!!

    As an aside, in pursuing Poland I came across Morocco. I thought you might enjoy these images. I like the blog because it offers parallel text, Polish and English.

    https://nareszcieurlop.wordpress.com/2016/03/25/fez-love-from-the-second-sight-milosc-od-drugiego-wejrzenia/

    Liked by 1 person

    • If I’m right, I sent you that link last time I commented on your blog. Glad you found his blog interesting, I also found it intriguing.

      Home always feel like life in brackets. Maybe the sign of a good rest or change of scenery prone to reflections…

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  3. You know I’ll miss you if you disappear for a while. But I’ll suffer that pain if it means you find the right path (or ladder, or whatever other metaphor seems appropriate).
    All thoughts and good wishes are with you, Ellie

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  4. Oh Elli, I don’t know what’s wrong but you seem to be having a difficult time of it recently. Its as if nothing is quite turning out the way you thought, or hoped it would. You will find the answers, and it will all come good for you, you’ll see, you’ll make it happen. Take care of yourself.

    Like

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